M(3), 1/9/17: Easy Does It

Today was one of those days where I took advantage of my “power,” as it were, and selected a reading I hoped would help me personally.  We read from the book Living Sober, and I selected the chapter “Easy Does It.”

I actually went in searching for the chapter “One Day At A Time,” only to find it was not in there.  I could use that prioritization as well.  And a blog post may soon follow on this one, as I find it one of the most useful adages in the 12-step lexicon.

But back to the subject at hand:  we read the chapter “Easy Does It.”  In terms of recovery, the chapter talks about the common thread of compulsivity that seems to exist in alcoholics.  We are the type to rarely let a drink go unfinished (alcoholic or not), we read until the book is finished, and, in a newer twist, and speaking for myself, binge watching television series is a great additional example of pursuing something until the bitter end!

And of course, there’s nothing wrong with many of these compulsive tendencies… most of them are, in fact, preferable to drinking.  But the chapter gently asks us to look at this piece of our personalities, and consider slowing down once we realize we are in the grips of this thinking.

Of particular import to me today was this section:

When we do find ourselves uptight and even frantic, we can ask ourselves occasionally, “Am I really that indispensable?” or “Is this hurry really necessary?”  What a relief to find the honest answer is frequently no!  And such devices actually serve, in the long run, no only to help us get over our drinking problem and its old ways; they also enalbe us to become far more productive, because we conserve and channel our energy better.  We arrange priorities more sensibly.  We learn that many actions once considered vital can be eliminated if they are thoughtfully reexamined.  “How much does this really matter?” is a very good question.  -pg. 45, Living Sober

Here’s what’s been the lather-rinse-repeat cycle of my mind for the past solid month… I sit with my boot on, thinking I need to sit in order to get the boot off.  Then as I sit I think of the various things that I’m not doing, and feel badly about not doing them.  I look around and see evidence of my not doing things… dust bunnies, empty refrigerator, laundry piles, etc.  At least this is how things look in my mind.  I finally get so agitated I get up and do something, anything, to relieve the pressure of not doing something.  Then I recognize that my foot hurts from, you know, walking on it.  Then I am depressed anew because all this means is a delay of healing.  And I sit down, and the cycle begins again.

 Preposterous, as I type it out, but it’s the truth.

So I read chapters like this, I talk about what’s going on in my head, and I remember that this too shall pass.  And guess what?  The house isn’t that horrible, I have teenage children and a husband who are more than capable of undecorating and carrying laundry baskets around.  And one way or another, I will survive the boot.

I will survive the boot.  I’ve just decided this is my new mantra.

In other, more recovery-related subjects, the following pearls of wisdom were shared this morning:

• An almost unanimous decision that employing “easy does it” to one’s life is a work- in-progress situation.  Some days/weeks/months you’ll have it, and some you won’t.
• Part of the trap of this personality booby trap is the idea that we’ll relax/take time out/start enjoying life once x, y or z happens.  I’ll start taking it easy after I get through the holidays, as soon as I get the promotion, once I clean the house.  But this logic is inherently flawed, as there is always a new item to get through/achieve/do.
• Making a conscious decision to feed ourselves rather than delete from ourselves is important.  Taking time to actually schedule, in your planner or calendar, time each day to nurture yourself, will have untold benefits.
• Claiming that you are too important to employ “easy does it” is a form of self-aggrandizing.  It’s especially important to ask the questions listed above (Am I really that important and is this hurry really necessary), as the ego could be at play.
• Often we find a sense of disappointment when we are too goal-oriented.  We work and work to achieve a goal, be it materialistic or not, then find said goal did not give us the satisfaction we thought it would.  Then life becomes a series of pushing from goal to goal, with little appreciation for the journey that takes us to those goals.
• Though it may be trite, appreciating the journey is as important, if not more important, than appreciating the destination, as so much of life is about exactly that… the journey.

Hope everyone is having an Easy Does It Monday!

Today’s Miracle:

True story:  one person, in his/her share (remember, trying to make things more anonymous) said the following:  “if there’s laundry to be done…. well then, teach the kids how to do it!”  It was said lightly, but it should be noted I wrote the paragraph above before the meeting.  So I’d say this reminder from someone who did not know I was fretting about this counts as my miracle!