M(3), 11/21/16: I’m Back!

Some housekeeping:  apologies for being so absent from this blog.  Not only have I not written in a couple of weeks, I’ve also not responded to comments.  I will be going back when I hit publish, but it shows a complete lack of appreciation for those who take the time to respond, and the last thing I want to do is to appear ungrateful.  I appreciate all comments, and I’m sorry for failing to show my appreciation!

The reason for the absence is due to a recent foot surgery that kept me with my foot elevated for a good number of days.  Since I detest using a laptop, this prevented me from my trusty desktop computer.  Then we were on a days-long road trip to watch my son race a cross-country course with the best of the best, so again away from my preferred choice of writing.

So now I’m back, and hopefully with some wisdom to share!

Today’s meeting focused on Step Two in the twelve steps of recovery:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Always a good step for discussion, since so many people come to the rooms of the 12-step fellowship with such a vast array of beliefs and non-beliefs.

As usual, the attendees did not disappoint.  One regular, a man whose professional life is based on his spirituality, says he struggles.  Not in the sense in believing a Higher Power exists, but in those who judge him for what he does for a living (member of a religious order).  Even in the meetings he has found this to be true, and it can be problematic.  He reminds himself that the step reads “could,” not “will,” and that his focus should remain on the positive, not the negative.  He finds meetings that support him, and avoids meetings that tear him down.

Good advice on a broader scope, not just because he is a religious professional, and advice that I’ll take to heart.

A friend who continues to struggle with the notion of God still struggles with this step, and takes umbrage with some of its wording.  She dislikes that they suggest to us that we “quit the debating society” and instead do our best to keep an open mind.  She finds this advice somewhat offensive, in that she believes an open mind should question things.

But then she reminds herself that keeping an open mind means remaining open to all suggestions, even the ones that don’t necessarily make sense to her.  Plus, all questions about a higher power aside, she firmly believes in the success of the 12-step paradigm, as she’s seen literally hundreds of success stories with her own eyes.  For now, this is enough to keep her coming back, and trying to keep her mind open to new possibilities.

Another woman shared that she is the type who believed herself spiritual while continuing to drink problematically.  She thought she asked for help numerous times, only to continue to relapse.  So she believed in a higher power, but not necessarily in His/Her/Its ability to “restore her to sanity.”

She realized the error in her thinking was that she was asking for help, but not doing her part to make things happen.  In working the 12 steps she realized there was real action that needed to be taken by her, and in taking that action she believes her Higher Power removed from her the obsession to drink.

I particularly enjoyed hearing her share, because it clicked with my personal story a bit.  I tried and failed to get sober for a solid 8-9 months before I hit my alcoholic bottom.  During that time I went to meetings, I had a sponsor, and I prayed all the time, on my knees just as I was told to do.  I thought I followed instructions, but I relapsed too many times to count.

Then I hit my bottom, and while fear certainly played into my early days of sobriety, I was more or less doing the same types of things I had done the previous 8-9 months.  Over the years I’ve often asked myself:  other than the fear and the consequences I was facing, what was so different before and after?

When my friend shared this morning, I remembered that one prayer session that I’ve referenced a few times on this blog.  It was on my first night of sobriety, not even morning yet since I surely wasn’t getting to sleep that night.  I think the language I used in my prayers was likely a little more (in my head, though I’m not above talking out loud while I’m praying)… sincere, or real, for lack of a better word.  But the critical difference was the question I asked of God that night.  I said, “Okay, it is clear that I am doing something wrong.  Can you please show me what it is?”

From that query came the analysis of what I was doing differently than the other members of the Fellowship.  And from that thought process came a blueprint that I thought might help me, or at the very least would be something different to try.

And the rest is history.  I believe sobriety, like life itself, is a never-ending process, so I continue to learn and grow, but I’m grateful for the original struggles that started me on a path to a  more peaceful, more spiritual existence.

And I’m writing on and on, and never even got to the surgery and all the trials and tribulations that have come with it.  I will do my best to get back later in the week to detail!

Today’s Miracle:

Logging in.  Writing.  Hitting Publish!

 

M(3), 11/7/16: Coincidence? I Think Not!

I keep staring at the blank screen expecting a lightning bolt of creativity to hit me, and it doesn’t appear to be happening.  Now I’m going to try the “just start writing” approach and see where that gets me.

I’ll start with the meeting and wind round to why my thoughts are scattered.  Our reading selection today from the the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book.”  This year I tried something different in terms of this book.  For the 3 years prior to this one, I selected readings from the second half of the book, the part that contains all the personal stories.  To mix it up, in the year 2016 we read from the first 164 pages, which most consider to be the heart and soul of the 12-step program.  There are 11 chapters in this first part of the book, so today marked the end of this cycle.

I have been waiting, practically since January, to get to this month, because by leaps and bounds my favorite chapter is the one we read today.  It is called “A Vision for You,” and if you’ve read this blog for any length of time you have heard me wax rhapsodic about it.  It is so uplifting and energizing, I wish the book started with this chapter.

I’ll start with my share, as the reading of this chapter reminded me of a story from my early days of sobriety.  The chapter speaks of the serendipitous circumstances that connected the co-founders of the fellowship, their meeting with the third member, and the growth of the program that came from these meetings.  It brought to mind a not quite so miraculous, but still noteworthy story of my own:

When I first got sober, I went to meetings daily.  Specifically, I attended the same 10 am meeting that took place every day of the week.  In so doing, I got to know all the other regular attendees.  I happen to hit the 90-day mark on a Friday, at which point several of the long-timers announced that since I have my 90 day coin I am eligible to chair meetings, and so no time like the present.  Then they erased the chairperson for Monday and put my name in his or her place.

I can’t specifically recall, but I imagine I sweated out the weekend worrying about how I was going to pull off this responsibility.  Thankfully the chair rotation was different on the weekends, or I would have had to do it the very next day.

So Monday comes and I couldn’t be more nervous.  That meeting was significantly different than the one I run now in that it is a much larger crowd… figure 50 to 60 on average.  I start the meeting, and I suppose I do okay.  The break comes (halfway through the 60-minute meeting) and a gentleman comes up and introduces himself as Jim, tells me this is his very first meeting, and asked me a question.  I wish I could remember the question, but I’m pretty sure my abject fear at having to answer a 12-step question when I had 90 days of sobriety under my belt must have blocked it out.  I’m sure I said something, though I can’t remember specifically what, and as soon as was politely possible I connected him with the regulars in the group that I felt could give him the information he needed.

The rest of the meeting proceeded, and that was that.

By the time I hit the six-month mark, I was still attending daily meetings, but I was branching out and rarely got back to original meeting place.  However, for the milestone of 6 months I wanted to announce it there; it was a Sunday, and the only time I could get there was the 6 pm meeting.  I anticipated not knowing too many people, as I tend to hit daytime meetings.

To my surprise and delight, I knew the chairperson of the meeting:  my friend Jim, the one who had just started 3 months ago!  I marvelled at the fantastic coincidence, and I could not wait to share with him.  In fact, I raised my hand and shared out loud the story of how nervous I was, and congratulated Jim on achieving 90 days and chairing the meeting.  At the end of the meeting Jim found me and said he could top my story with one of his own from that day:

It turns out that his wife had dropped him off at that meeting 3 months ago, but he had no intention of staying.  He figured he’s stay to the break, but he had just enough money in his pocket to head out to the nearest open bar as soon as the halfway point came.  Something had him ask me a question, he has no idea what… his best guess is he wanted to be polite to me since I was leading the meeting.  My response was so kind that he figured he owed it to me to stay.  And afterwards when those gentlemen with whom I connected him were so kind, he figured he could give this a try.

And three months later, still sober, he was chairing meeting.

The moral of the story, of course, is that no matter how little you think you know, how little you think you have to give, it just might be the world to someone else.  I don’t remember what I said, but I know for sure it wasn’t anything profound or wise.  It couldn’t have been… I didn’t know squat!  And his taking the time to fill me in on that backstory made all the difference to me.  It was at that moment everything crystallized for me that when I pay attention, amazing things happen, all around me, every day.

From my share a few other people had similar tales of amazing coincidences-that-are-never-coincidences.  And a secondary theme of this morning’s share was gratitude, a most fitting theme for a November meeting!

Today’s Miracle:

I went a little long with my personal story, but today’s miracle for me is getting what I needed from that meeting today, as I usually do.  Even if I have to relearn the same lesson a dozen times, there is always someone there to teach me.  And for that I am grateful!

Additionally, the miracle of unscattering my thoughts via writing should be noted!