M(3), 9/19/16: Willingness is the Key

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Today’s meeting, and its subject matter, was so spot on for me that it gives me the chills just thinking about it.  Then again, I feel that way pretty much any time we talk about…

Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him

I’ve said it before, and no doubt I’ll say it again:  step three is my favorite of the 12 steps of recovery.  It has universal application, and applies to every single human on the planet.  Maybe animals too.

We had an interesting turnout today.  For the first time in years, maybe ever, there were more strangers in my meeting than there were regulars.  This increase in diversity resulted in a wider array of wisdom and shares, which can only be a good thing.

One of the regulars, a man who I quote virtually every week in this blog, started our meeting off right with the announcement that he is 30 years sober as of this past weekend.  This announcement elevated the collective mood of the room big time.  He talked about a particular section of the reading:

…He might first take a look at the results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency.  Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, society breaking up into warring fragments.  Each fragment says to the others, “We are right and you are wrong.”  Every such pressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously imposes its will upon the rest.  And everywhere the same thing is being done on an individual basis.  The sum of all this mighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than before.  The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off.  Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin.  -pg. 37, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

He said the first time he went to a Step Three meeting, an argument broke out over what the word “juggernaut” means.  Each of the multiple people involved insisted they knew the correct definition.  Finally, someone suggested pulling out a dictionary; someone did, and the definition was/is:

Juggernaut:  a literal or metaphorical force regarded as mercilessly destructive and unstoppable.

Once the irony settled in that they were acting like juggernauts while arguing about its meaning, everyone laughed and moved on to more productive conversations.

Humorous anecdote aside, my longtime sober friend went on to talk about what an apt description the word juggernaut is when describing self-will.  How often do we, in the zest to prove ourselves right and another wrong, get so deep into a debate that we lose sight of the original issue?

Or the times when we pursue a goal, something we justify as a “single-minded passion,” to the exclusion of everything else of value in our lives?

Or when we want something so badly we rationalize every questionable decision and action so that it fits our current needs and wants?

The list is endless, as is the specific list of ways we alcoholics misused our self-will:

  • “I’m an adult, and nobody is going to tell me what I can or can’t drink!”
  • “How dare they tell me I drink too much, when they fill in the blank.”
  • “I need this drink now, since life is so stressful.  Once life gets calmer, I will think about cutting back.”
  • “How can I not drink when it is such a part of my life?  Everyone I know drinks!”
  • Ad infinitum…

If we accept that relentless self-will is counterproductive, and we are intrigued by the idea of turning said will over the care of the God of our understanding, the next question becomes how exactly do we pull off such a feat?

Many people shared in the meeting this morning regarding the ways in which they went about this process; the underlying theme throughout was willingness.  The key to turning things over is simply to be willing to do so.  The minute we start arguing about the different reasons why our way in the right way, we have closed the door to willingness.

This is exactly why I love Step Three so much; it is a lesson that I need to learn over and over again.  I suspect for the rest of my life I will be remembering that I need to display some willingness.

I have an ongoing situation that has created some intermittent periods of anxiety in my life.  I have a strong suspicion that if I could go back and create a timeline of when I was feeling the most stress regarding this issue, and chart my feelings and subsequent actions during those period of angst, I would find that I decided to take back my self-will and force the solution of my choosing.  Therefore, just reading this selection brought instant relief:

The more we become willing to depend on a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are.  -pg. 36, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

When I am taking back my self-will, my logic screams out, “So what does that mean, you sit around and wait for God to hand things to you?”

And of course that’s not the answer.  The answer lies in yet another tool of recovery I love but conveniently “misplace” in times of stress:

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Today’s Miracle:

Rain, rain, don’t go away!  We just got rain in our area for the first time in forever, and never have I been happier to deal with gray skies! 

 

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Posted on September 19, 2016, in Monday Meeting Miracles, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Hi Josie!
    I love this discussion.
    I didn’t think of my self-will as being argumentative, but it is!
    It’s when I have to prove I am right, especially if I have been “wrongly” accused of something.
    Sometimes it just gets kind of silly.
    The GOOD news is, I do this way less now that I am sober!!
    Life is much better!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

    • “Especially when I have been ‘wrongly’ accused of something.” Wendy, you are speaking my language! This is still exceedingly difficult to walk away from… being accused of something I did not do/say/mean. And it’s almost always silly in my case! I repeat “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” as a mantra!

      Thanks for the comment, Wendy!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so helpful for me on weeks where it’s nearly impossible to get a meeting in. I love how you’re able to put me in that chair for some serenity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Willingness was what saved my life..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I never thought about it quite that way, but now that I would do I agree… being willing to try something I did not think would work, willing to consider ideas other than my own, willing to put my faith in something other than myself. Great comment, thanks so much!

      Like

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