M(3), 7/25/16: Into Me See

The literature in this week’s meeting was Forming True Partnerships.  It is the newest book in AA’s conference-approved literature, and it deals with relationships in sobriety.  Some of the chapters are universal:  family, friendships.  Some are semi-specific:  marriage, job.  And some are puzzling in their specificity (I’m looking at you, chapter on pets).

I have been sticking with the universal ones for the first half of the year; today I challenged myself to delve into deeper waters.  The story turned out to be oddly specific, entirely too long and 99% pessimistic.  Note to self:  fully read selection before choosing!

As fate would have it, the room filled up with people, and each person that shared talked about their difficulty in relating.  The very last person who shared, a male (the author of the story was female), redeemed the choice by stating he felt like he was reading his own story.  So there you have it… someone is going to relate, no matter how unlikely it seems!

Odd storylines aside, we had a great discussion about relationships, both pre- and post-recovery.  Every person in the room agreed that the “blueprint” offered through the twelves steps enriches relationships of all kinds.

One person shared the variety of ways he attempted to feel complete:  filling his life with material things, relationship after relationship, and, through it all, alcohol.  No matter how many things and people he brought into his life, he could never quite fill the hole, and loneliness was an emotion he could not tolerate.  In working the 12 steps of recovery, he is able to be alone without feeling lonely.

Several other people spoke of drinking to avoid the feeling of loneliness.  Most of us shared that initially alcohol was a decent working solution to problems such as loneliness, shyness, self-consciousness, and challenging social situations.

It was a solution… until it wasn’t.  Then alcohol became the problem; either we drank in isolation and thus compounded our loneliness, or we drank in public and became a detriment to any and all social situations.

As it turns out, putting down the drink solves some of our problems (especially the ones that involve drunken behavior), but not all of them.  Getting sober gives us the clarity to see the problems for what they are, and allows us the freedom to deal with life on life’s terms.

The final discussion I’ll share was the comparison of infatuation to intimacy.  Once again, the 12 steps of recovery mirror the steps to a lasting, intimate relationship.  Infatuation, where a lot of relationships begin, focus on the the ways in which one can take from the relationship.  True intimacy, on the other hand, looks for ways in which you can give back.  When both partners in the relationship look to be of service to one another… that’s where the magic happens.

A powerful reminder for me as I navigate all relationships in my life!

Today’s Miracle:

The reminder that life comes down to a few simple things… get out of my own head, and see what I can do to help others.  The rest takes care of itself!