An Update, and A Gentle Reminder to Stay Out of My Own Head
First, a sincere and heart-felt thank you to all who responded to my post on Monday: your words truly inspired and motivated me to do the next right thing, and I so I shall update you on the following 36 hours after the incident that I wrote about Monday morning.
So, here’s what I have as facts:
- We have a serious security issue at the clubhouse where I run my meeting
- This issue can be easily resolved by a simple decision to lock a door
- It is up to me to bring up the issue, as the incident largely happened to me
So, simple enough… go to the officers of the clubhouse, explain the situation, and get the problem resolved. Here’s where my brain can complicate even the simplest of tasks, and I need to explain (re-explain, for regular followers, I know I talked about this some months ago) some background. The clubhouse is primarily run by about 5 very dedicated people. At least 6 months ago, maybe more, the officers approached me and asked if I would be the director of the club. At the time I was flabbergasted, as I can’t imagine the thought process that would lead to such a request. I thanked them profusely for their belief in me, but explained I simply did not have the time for such an undertaking. For whatever reason, several of them did not seem to hear my rejection of this offer, and any time that they came across me would refer to me as Madame Chairperson. This was obviously said in a light-hearted manner, but said on enough occasions that I quickly inferred that the goal was to railroad me into the position. Since I truly have neither the time, nor honestly the inclination, to assume this role, I found myself slowly withdrawing myself from any type of business meeting. In retrospect, it was not the most up-front way to deal with the issue, but at the time I did not feel I had too many options.
So, long story short, I have not attended a business meeting at the clubhouse for several weeks. My role has been nothing more than running my Monday meeting, and volunteering to make food items for the various events that have been held. Again, not ideal, but it had been a working solution for me, until the incident on Monday.
So here’s where my monkey mind takes over: “Now you’re going to sashay into a meeting that you’ve all but abandoned, and demand that the clubhouse make changes because you say so?!? They will laugh you right out of the meeting!” I can, of course, play Devil’s Advocate to myself, and argue back, “You’re not doing this for yourself, you’re doing it for your meeting attendees, and for the good of the clubhouse, they will thank you for this.”
To give you a play-by-play of this internal debate would take more time than it’s worth, so let me wrap it up and say I went back and forth along these lines, until, I kid you not, 7:10 pm last night (the business meeting started at 7:15 pm). At one point I actually sent an email to one of the officers, explaining the situation, thinking I could just give them the scenario and let them take over, and then got so mad at myself for not being more assertive, that I sent another one saying I will be there to tell the story myself.
So I attend, and I am completely prepared for every argument that I firmly believe I will hear: “that guy is harmless, don’t worry about it,” “the door is broken, and we don’t have the money to fix it,” and, the most troubling one I was waiting for, “who do you think you are coming in here after all this time?”
I sat through the regular format, Old Business, Committee Reports, Events Planning, and finally it came time to address New Business. I raise my hand, everyone looks surprised (I am guessing that the officer I sent the email to never had a chance to read it). I calmly (or, at least, as calmly as I could manage) explain the incident, and express my concern for the ongoing safety and security of the clubhouse.
Take a wild guess what the reactions from the officers were?
Complete and total empathy. A stunned realization that an off-handed decision to make it easier for people to attend meetings could have a consequence such as a homeless person taking advantage. A firm resolution to contact all meeting leaders and explain the new policy that the building is to remain locked at all times when meetings are not in session. And, last but certainly not least, gratitude that I would take the time to bring the issue to the attention of the officers.
If only I had an “on/off” switch for my brain, I could save myself a lot of trouble!
The strength and courage the readership of the blog gave me to tackle a problem that the old me would not have touched with a 10-foot pole, my gratitude is immense!
Posted on January 15, 2014, in Recovery and tagged 12 step, 12 step program, Alcoholics Anonymous, Getting Out of Your Own Head, Miracle, Monday, Positive Thoughts, Recovery, self-development, Self-Help, Support group, Taking Action, Thought, Twelve-Step Program. Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.