When to Hang on and When to Let Go

 

I’ve been dealing with two different issues that have remained unresolved for long enough that I thought I needed to make a decision:  either keep trying different strategies in the hope of enacting change, or let go of the situation entirely and decide that since it is out of my control, then I should remove it from my life.  Neither of these options was sitting well with me, so I figured I would sit down and write about it.  In looking for an image to correspond to this writing, I came across the one shown above.  And I am so glad I did, because it really gave me some clarity for both of the issues with which I’ve been grappling.

The two situations are entirely different, involving people from different parts of my life, but in the end the struggle I’ve been having involves the same thing:  I am putting myself, and my thoughts of what is right and wrong, front and center, when in fact I am almost completely immaterial.  In other words:  there is a God, and I’m not Him.  In both cases my motives are pure enough, I want what’s best for people who are struggling.  The problem, of course, is the idea that I know what’s best, and that I think I hold the answers to solve anyone’s problems.  Pure, unadulterated ego at work.

I have known for some time that my all-or-nothing thinking rarely gets me anywhere productive.  The notion, “well, I tried, you’re not listening, so I’m done” is an attitude that I have used, unsuccessfully, in the past, and I’m not sure why I hang onto it.  After all, what if anyone in my life had acted on that thought with me when I was in active addiction, where would I be now?  I shudder to think of what my life would be like today if that were true.

So the key for me (as it usually is) is finding the balance.  Balance between being helpful and supportive, but not being overwhelmed or consumed by the problems of others.  Balance between being there for people, but creating healthy boundaries for myself.  As with all matters, I am a work in progress, but the self-awareness and consideration before action are definitely areas of improvement for me!

Today’s Miracle:

A little more than two years ago, my husband had to cancel a business trip because of my active addiction.  Today, I am more than halfway through a week with him away on business, and all is well.  I am so grateful that my sobriety has brought back the trust in our family!