Lazy Day

Did you ever have a plan to have a lazy day?  A day you know, in advance, you have little scheduled, and you look forward to it as if it was a vacation?  Well, today was that day for me.  After a weekend of running around, kid-centered activities, family functions, etc., I was so excited to have this day.

Quick qualification:  the lazy day is only the middle of the day.  Front and back ends still have the normal obligations:  breakfast-making, lunch-packing, car-pooling, orthodontist appointment, homework, dinner-making, and, tonight I am flying solo, so that will make the activities all the more interesting.  But still, I had the late-morning and early afternoon to do with as I wished, and I couldn’t wait!

And now that it’s almost over, I have to admit to feeling disappointed in myself.  In theory I believe in the idea of unplugging from the world in order to mentally re-charge, but I have this somewhat “blah” feeling, and vague guilt for having wasted an afternoon.  The good news is I can atone for this mindlessness by inviting my Mom to dinner and serving her something delicious!

So what’s the lesson learned?  For me, I need to practice balance.  In the same way I should not over-extend myself, and thus make myself crazy, I cannot under-extend myself, and thus make myself guilt-ridden.  It’s all about moderation, a skill I have not come anywhere near mastering.

So that this is not a complete waste of blog-space, here is my recovery-related update news:  I had my Monday morning meeting yesterday.  I erroneously assumed that the holiday would bring throngs of recovery-minded individuals to my meeting’s doorstep, instead I had a whopping 2 people show up.  This was demoralizing for a few reasons:

1.  I really did think the holiday would bring more people, not less

2.  Several people who promised me they would attend did not

3.  Because it was the 4th week of the month, the topic is “chairperson’s choice,” which means I do extra research and work beforehand

Now, having said that, I actually found the meeting to be more miraculous than normal, and here’s why:  the second person to show up was a newcomer to my meeting, and a newcomer to sobriety.  He was an older gentleman, and for whatever reason I assumed at the start of the meeting he was a “long-timer” to AA, but when he shared he let us know that he has 23 days sober, and woke up desperately wanting to drink, so he found the next available meeting, which was mine.  The remainder of the meeting was focused on how to deal with the compulsion to drink in early sobriety, and he left the meeting feeling confident he could make it through the rest of the day without taking a drink.  We talked more in-depth after the meeting, and I feel hopeful that I will see him again next week.

And that is a miracle that will take me through the week!

Today’s Miracle:

Today’s miracle is that I managed to get this post published at all, I have been lazy in all aspects!

 

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Posted on May 28, 2013, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Stupendous!

    I am laughing because I could have written the first half of your post there (knowing me, I would have turned it into a novel-length thing too…ugh, I need more economy of words like you – straight and to the point). I have a whole 10 days of the day you described! My wife in on vacation and I have the boys. I have taken the time off, so once they’re out of the house, I am on my own. Sure, I have a few household things to attend to, but other that that…it’s me time. I am not used to this! And I too feel large guilt pangs if I haven’t erected a modern skyscraper in the middle of the block by noon. But you know what? I didn’t do much today and I am not too banged up about it, emotionally and mentally. I am super sore from playing hockey (something I hadn’t done in two years – so THAT was something new – balance wise) so I used that as a bit of an excuse. I watched martial arts films and didn’t do laundry. Sacre bleu!!!!! Blasphemy!!!!!!! Oh dear, what would Bill W say to That??? Ha ha…the drama queen comes out there, doesn’t she? I am ok with it…and I am ok with being ok with that, if that makes any sense.

    So I get what you say, and all I can say is…it takes time to let that go. I am just learning that now. It’s ok to have days like. It’s ok to let our hair down and just chill. We don’t need skyscrapers. We need to just connect with ourselves by disconnecting on other things. No big self-introspective seminars, no large format spreadsheets to fill out about how we’re doing spiritually….just watch bad TV and eat bad food. For kicks. For nothing. For YOU. I can’t believe I am actually typing these words, but I am starting to get a small glimmer of what it is like to…gasp!….live life. And not at *working at recovery* 24/7.

    Ahhhhh. I feel better. Try it one day. Take a day like today and let the dishes accumulate. Don’t tidy up the files on your laptop. Just chill out. I started to get that guilt thing happening yesterday and said to myself – what am I going to regret what I didn’t do when I get back to work? Got it in your head, Paul. Yes? now do it. Freedom! Doesn’t mean I ignore my recovery stuff. But I work at not doing my recovery stuff too.

    As for the meeting – I find that around here, meeting numbers go down during holidays. Except Xmas. Then they have day long meetings, etc. But I am glad that the gentleman was there. You made his day no doubt. And for that, it’s all gratitude, my friend.

    Blessings,
    Paul

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  2. Hi … long time no visit you. I’m back to life this week and just wanted to pop over and say hello. I’m behind on your blog so give me a day to catch up. i love the jpg with this post today. I feel like that’s been me the past week. It’s all good now, but it sure made me laugh when I read it. lots of love, lisa

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  3. How cool about the newcomer and how the more intimate feel to your group no doubt helped him open up and allowed you to tailor the meeting to him. Love it when stuff like that happens and you get to actually witness it.

    And I dunno, your day sounds anything but lazy. Although I love the idea of having a lower key day. Good for you for making time for down time!

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  4. I want a lazy day! Lol! I love the little surprises that life brings, like little meetings with “old” newcomers. That’s when I feel like there definitely was a reason for me to be there – big lessons are usually learned in little meetings!

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