Did you ever have a plan to have a lazy day? A day you know, in advance, you have little scheduled, and you look forward to it as if it was a vacation? Well, today was that day for me. After a weekend of running around, kid-centered activities, family functions, etc., I was so excited to have this day.
Quick qualification: the lazy day is only the middle of the day. Front and back ends still have the normal obligations: breakfast-making, lunch-packing, car-pooling, orthodontist appointment, homework, dinner-making, and, tonight I am flying solo, so that will make the activities all the more interesting. But still, I had the late-morning and early afternoon to do with as I wished, and I couldn’t wait!
And now that it’s almost over, I have to admit to feeling disappointed in myself. In theory I believe in the idea of unplugging from the world in order to mentally re-charge, but I have this somewhat “blah” feeling, and vague guilt for having wasted an afternoon. The good news is I can atone for this mindlessness by inviting my Mom to dinner and serving her something delicious!
So what’s the lesson learned? For me, I need to practice balance. In the same way I should not over-extend myself, and thus make myself crazy, I cannot under-extend myself, and thus make myself guilt-ridden. It’s all about moderation, a skill I have not come anywhere near mastering.
So that this is not a complete waste of blog-space, here is my recovery-related update news: I had my Monday morning meeting yesterday. I erroneously assumed that the holiday would bring throngs of recovery-minded individuals to my meeting’s doorstep, instead I had a whopping 2 people show up. This was demoralizing for a few reasons:
1. I really did think the holiday would bring more people, not less
2. Several people who promised me they would attend did not
3. Because it was the 4th week of the month, the topic is “chairperson’s choice,” which means I do extra research and work beforehand
Now, having said that, I actually found the meeting to be more miraculous than normal, and here’s why: the second person to show up was a newcomer to my meeting, and a newcomer to sobriety. He was an older gentleman, and for whatever reason I assumed at the start of the meeting he was a “long-timer” to AA, but when he shared he let us know that he has 23 days sober, and woke up desperately wanting to drink, so he found the next available meeting, which was mine. The remainder of the meeting was focused on how to deal with the compulsion to drink in early sobriety, and he left the meeting feeling confident he could make it through the rest of the day without taking a drink. We talked more in-depth after the meeting, and I feel hopeful that I will see him again next week.
And that is a miracle that will take me through the week!
Today’s miracle is that I managed to get this post published at all, I have been lazy in all aspects!