Letting Go

We all know that, in theory, there are many times in life where letting go is the best, most sensible solution.  I don’t know about anyone else, but knowing something in theory, and doing something in reality are two very different things.

I could give you as many examples of this idea as there are words in the English language:  disappointment in the behavior of my children, fights with my husband, frustration with family members, the list could go on forever.  Intellectually, I know that holding on to any of these things produces nothing worthwhile, solves no problems, and serves only to exacerbate an already negative situation.

But damned near impossible to do if I’m in the middle of it.

On a technical level, I currently have 2 sponsees.  Emphasis:  technical level.  The second sponsee I will write more about in the future, we are getting together for the first time tonight, at a meeting, so I hope to have some wonderful, inspirational things to share about this relationship next week.

The first sponsee I have written about quite a few times.  We have had a relationship for several months, but before this morning I have not seen nor heard from her in weeks.  I have attempted to reach out to her, but to no avail.  As of my last unreturned phone call, I was determined to let her go.  I truly felt I had given it my best shot, and she was simply not ready.

So I run into her this morning for the first time in weeks, and we had a few minutes to talk.  I asked her how she was doing, she said, “Terrible.”  She then proceeded to complain about all the people in her life stressing her out, which is causing her anxiety, and all she can do is sit around the house and play video games.  She is sorry she hasn’t called me, she feels guilty about it, but offered no real reason for failing to return texts, phone calls, or cancelling get-togethers.  She also let some new information into the equation, such as she had started dating someone in recovery(breaking a cardinal rule in AA), now he has deeper feelings for her than she for him, and so they are fighting all the time, and her parents are upset with her because they want her to stay with the first “nice” guy she has ever brought home.

My thoughts:  INFORMATION OVERLOAD, followed by, it is WAY too early in the morning for this!

What I said:  I am here if you need me, we can start over anytime, try not to let other people’s issues get in the way of your recovery.  Please call me, and don’t feel guilty about not calling me.

As I said, knowing you need to let go, and actually letting go, are two very different animals.  I guess the most I can do is pray for her, and be there for her if and when she needs me.  And pray, for myself, for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!

Today’s Miracle:

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the woman I am meeting tonight has communicated with me almost every day this week, and is so excited to start step work, that her excitement is contagious!

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Posted on April 5, 2013, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Sometimes a good friend’s reassurance is all you need to let go! Hope you guys have a great weekend!

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  2. “I guess the most I can do is pray for her, and be there for her if and when she needs me. And pray, for myself, for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!”

    That’s pretty much it, my friend. It sucks, but we can’ force anyone to do anything. You have demonstrated that you are there for her, you have called, you have reached out. Not much more after seeing her and talking to her at that meeting. She needs more pain, it would seem, and she might just get it, with that AA boyfriend, etc. It’s tough to watch, but again, our job is to be there when they are ready. I have one guy who is isolating and I too haven’t heard in a few weeks. I spoke to a man yesterday at lunch who has some serious time and he mentioned that perhaps I should make one last in the flesh visit (at his transition home or his home group) to the sponsee and see how he is. I told him that I had struggled with doing that, as I didn’t want to be running anyone down, but then again, I too wanted to show that I gave a damn, and that is where the balance is. If I were to see my guy and get the reaction you got, or he said he’s fine and I don’t hear from him, then I wash my hands of it. If he calls back, awesome. If not, I focus on the next one who wants it…like your gal there who is contacting you daily.

    It’s can be tough at times, but the rewards are great. And in the end, we’re sober, right?

    Blessings,
    Paul

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  3. I give the girls the “51/49 rule.” I don’t go higher than 49% for your recovery. I don’t meet you half way. You need to give more, than me, if you want to succeed in your recovery. I give 51+% to my own recovery and that’s how I stay sober.

    Feel free to start helping yourself stay sober at anytime. I feel a little harsh in saying that because I used to be all butterflies and cupcakes. Until I realize that those things won’t serve them. The approach: STEPS, STEPS, STEPS. Your answers are inside you. It’s your job to find them.

    (I would pick you for my sponsor if I were new. You work a remarkable program.)

    ps. sent the package 🙂

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  4. My sponsor always says “Carry the message, not the alcoholic.” There’s only so much you can do and it seems you’re doing it!

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  5. Letting go is soooo hard.

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