Sign, Sign, Everwhere A Sign…

Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others.  With it you can avert death and misery for them. –Alcoholics Anonymous

I had a weird past few days.  Too much to explain in detail, but different elements of it have left me in a less than optimal state of mind.  Of particular note was Easter Sunday.  In one morning, I had three separate incidents that reminded me of the wreckage of my past.  Since I have never been one to discount coincidences, I assume that these are signs that I need to do something, but each of my follow-up actions that day did not bring the serenity for which I was searching (and that, by the way, would be an understatement).

So now it is Monday morning, and I am thinking… okay, something’s gotta give here.  I am getting more and more agitated, and I really have nothing concrete on which to blame the agitation.  It’s just stupid… you know that feeling?  When you’re in a turmoil over absolutely nothing (and a big NO to the unspoken question, it is NOT hormonal)?

So I do what I am taught, and I share about it in my Monday meeting.  Which works out beautifully, since I am the chair of the meeting, so I can take the meeting hostage with my baloney (just kidding, sort of).  As luck would have it, there were only two other attendees at this meeting, which would normally sadden me, but worked out miraculously today, so I could go into a little more detail about my (non) problems.

Short story long, a woman whose sobriety I admire immensely told me the line above is one she has held dear in her 28 years of recovery.  I had actually never heard it before (or, at least, never retained it).  She said it took her some time to comprehend it, but it helps her to remember that, in recovery, her past is actually an asset, and can help her to stay grounded, as well as grateful, today.

So I thought back to the actual incidents of Sunday morning, and what specific memories they brought to mind.  I also remembered something else big that happened over the past 5 days.  I was asked to speak to a group of outpatient rehab clients, and a woman approached me and told me she was going through a lot of the turmoil that I had mentioned in my story.  I gave her my number, and she texted me over the weekend… she wants what I have and would I be willing to sponsor her?  I was replying to her Sunday morning when incident number one took place (found some old text messages that were less than sentimental between my husband and me during our separation period).

Bingo?  Maybe I was looking at these troubling reminders in the wrong framework.  Maybe I am reminded of the past so that I may have the appropriate empathy for the people God is putting in my life.  It makes sense, but I’m still not having the lightbulb moment, at least not yet.  That’s the trouble with signs… sometimes you are just not sure exactly where they are directing you.  I thought I had it Sunday, I absolutely did not, but maybe I have it right this time.  I spent the rest of the day getting out of my head, and trying to be of service to others, again as I was taught to do.  Not surprisingly, it helped immensely, and I am feeling a lot better.

Today’s Miracle:

Having the faith that the lightbulb will go off, sooner or later, is a miracle.  Also, gratitude for a beautiful Easter break with the kids, made all the more beautiful by the fact that it is over tonight!


Posted on April 1, 2013, in Monday Meeting Miracles and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Congrats on another sponsee (or potential protege). It seems that you being there, doing service, being centered, and living the life and not just talking about it, is having the attraction not promotion thing happening to you. Amazing!

    As for the signs – well, I am not that smart to see where things go and how they lead to where they lead. I am not in charge of that stuff, so when I see that something is shaking down (like you felt), then I know that I am like the car going down the highway at dark – I can only see the next few feet at a time, and yet I arrive miles and miles away. Safely. So go with the flow, as you are, and I know that it will lead to a place you may have never thought you would be.

    And yes, my past is my past…and I mine it for when I speak to another alcoholic, especially one who is suffering. I also mine it when I write, or when I am asked to speak. It shows me that I have come a long way, and that I am not ashamed of it (cringe worthy, yes, ashamed…not really).

    You’re doing a wonderful job – I hope that things settle down sooner than later.



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