A Series of Bottoms: The Epilogue

So here we are, finally, back to the present.  Since this blog has been more or less a journal of the past year, I encourage someone just reading for the first time to look back over the past months to get an idea of what it was like.  For this post, however, I am going to focus on the miracle that was waiting for me, just around the corner.  It is 365 full days later, and daily I did the four things I have talked about the past year… I prayed, I went to a meeting, I talked to another alcoholic, and I did not pick up a drink or a drug.  As a result I get something today I honestly did not think I could ever do, which is stand in the front of a meeting and receive a coin that commemorates my one year of sobriety.

I have been trying to compose this post in my head for the past week, the topic being, what have I gained in recovery?  The list is almost endless… healed relationships, gratitude, membership in an indescribably wonderful Fellowship, pride, clarity, connection with God, I could honestly go on and on.

So then the big question… what is at the top of the list?  I think the biggest gift I have received in sobriety is a true sense of self.  And I don’t mean I got myself back, I mean I got this sense of self for the first time in 43 years.  Prior to this past year, I defined my life by the things that needed to change… once I lose weight, once I get my degrees, once I have an awesome profession, once I am married, once I have a child, once I have a boy and a girl, once I am able to run a mile without stopping, once I stop drinking, once I stop taking painkillers… then my life will be great.  For as long as I can possibly remember, my happiness was based on a set of future conditions, and, if I was lucky enough to meet those conditions, a new future set was already in place.  Which meant happiness was always just out of my reach.

Today, as a result of a year spent reflecting, and praying, and sharing, and writing, I feel different.  I am at peace, right now, at 9:06 am on Sunday, January 27th.  I have faith that I will be at peace for the rest of the day.  If something happens to disrupt that peace, I know that something is temporary, it will pass, and I will be okay.  And if the day goes completely to hell, I have the ultimate tool that I can take out and use at will:  “Am I sober today?  Then nothing else matters.”

Today’s Miracle:

365 days of continuous sobriety?  Priceless.

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Posted on January 27, 2013, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. So very proud and happy for you. What an amazing accomplishment and what a great mindset! I’ll be thinking of you today and look forward to celebrating your milestone together soon! Love you!

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  2. Happy Anniversary! So proud to call you my friend.

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  3. Happy Anniversary. Thank you for your stories, they come wrapped in courage. Courage to step into that which is incredible in every way. Incredible simply because you finally see how precious you really are. And in finding your beauty, you have managed to find beauty everywhere. I am honored to be the recipient of your posts. You’re a remarkable woman. Blessings, Lisa

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  4. Happy ONE YEAR!!! I am a new reader and sober nearly 6 months and just had to tell you that I appreciate your posts. Your final chapter had me in tears, because you have come so far in a year! So congratulations on all your hard work this year! You have plenty to be proud of! Thank you for sharing your sober journey! God bless you! Hugs, Katherine

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  5. Happy Anniversary to you…. I am blessed to have you in the “rooms” along side of me.

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  6. I am so happy for you. The hardest things usually lead us to the best places. Terrific writing.

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  7. Yay! Congratulations! Very cool to get your one year chip! I am on day 127. Enjoying your blog and will keep reading. Mine is http://www.catholicalcoholic.com

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  8. I am new to your blog, but I just wanted to say congratulations on your one year! It’s very apt and insightful what you say about getting a sense of self. That’s a huge thing for us – we were lost in ego and alcoholism and lost our true sense of who we are. It’s fuzzed over by the -ism’s of our addiction and play chameleon for so long, trying to fit in. But as we gain clarity in our sobriety, we see glimpses of ourselves, and as we do the work, we start to see brighter spots of that big picture. That is how I have experienced it, at least. I wish you a wonderful year, and look forward to exploring your blog 🙂

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  9. Congrats. That first year is a critical foundation and a miracle at hand. The path does narrow as you go forward but the rewards also deepen immensely. Best on your journey.

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  10. Yay! Congrats on your huge milestone!!!

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  1. Pingback: 7 Quick Takes: 7 “Kick Ass” Sobriety Blogs | Catholic Alcoholic

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