Don’t You Steal My Sunshine
So I have been as sick as a dog for the past two days (fever seems to be down this morning, all other symptoms still there, but I can function without the fever). It started Wednesday night, and kept me up all night. Thursday I was forced to cut out all activities other than those mandated by law (not easy to do during holiday madness).
And when I was feeling my physical lowest, I also got slammed on some mental fronts as well (isn’t it always the way). One of my biggest intellectual hang-ups is injustice of any kind, and if I am personally factored into the injustice, then I have a tendency to go nuts. Well, in my opinion, I was the target of some injustice on Thursday, and it was a situation over which I was powerless. The icing on this cake was that feeling that comes creeping in when things don’t go my way… the “why are these people doing this to me/why don’t these people like me/what can I do to make these people like me” feeling that does nothing but sink me lower into the already pretty deep hole I was in.
So what did I do about it? First, I shared about it, because if I try to work things out in my own head, nothing but disaster will follow. I actually ran into a woman from the program (is it odd or is it God?), and was able to speak with her immediately following the troubling incident. Then I went to a meeting and shared some more. Then I went home and whined to my husband. In the past I would have berated myself for dumping my troubles on others, I truly believed that no good could come from spreading my misery. Now I know that keeping things bottled up only leads to explosions down the road.
I would be lying if I said everything is turned around now and I feel wonderful. Obviously physical health plays a role, and I am still under the weather. But sometimes, even when you know where you want to be mentally, even when you can see the other side of the road you want to be on, sometimes it just takes a while to actually get there. I know, absolutely, that I will come out of this funk, and so I will just continue to keep doing what I have been doing for the past 330 days, and believe that the miracle is around the corner!
Posted on December 22, 2012, in Recovery and tagged 12 steps, AA, Addiction, Alcoholism, Conditions and Diseases, God, Health, Injustice, Jesus, Mental Health, Recovery, Thursday, Wednesday. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.