Hitting a Plateau

There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect. -Ronald Reagan

I have written frequently about the idea of perspective, and how things are as bad or as good as you believe them to be.  Someone might look at my last 293 days of sobriety and think, “big deal,” whereas someone who has been trying and failing to get sober might think 293 days is a lifetime.

So when I look at other areas of my life, I try to put the same grateful, positive spin that I do on my recovery… every day is a miracle, and every accomplishment is a milestone.

BUT…

Try as I might, that old thinking does come creeping back, and it is hard to fight.  For example, I have started an AA meeting, today was the 4th time I have held it.  The first week I had three attendees, second week, 7 attendees, third week, 5 attendees, and this morning, back to 3 attendees.  YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!! (quote from Planes, Trains and Automobiles).  Don’t get me wrong, this is still my favorite meeting of the week, I have left each time with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, and the small numbers make for some really meaningful exchanges.  But to show my results to almost anyone else on the planet, it looks like I am, if not failing, then certainly not succeeding.

Same general concept with this blog.  I have been writing for 8 months now, and my “numbers” have certainly grown, but when I compare my blog to some of the others I follow, then I have to wonder… what am I failing to do?

So, to combat these insecure feelings, I have to rely on my newly formed instincts… for the meeting, while I feel like I’ve done a decent job getting the word out there, I just have to keep trying, and keep marketing.  I am working on getting it listed on websites and our local AA directory.  Most important, I have to remember what I learned at the first meeting 293 days ago, which is that TIME stands for This I Must Earn.

For the blog, I have asked myself what it is I see happening with others that I do not see happening for myself.  In reality, it comes down to something so ridiculous, I am embarrassed even writing it down… I have yet to see my own blog listed on others’ “blog rolls.”  So, the next logical question, who do I have listed?  Answer:  no one, because I have never taken the time to develop that particular table of contents.  So, in the spirit of evolution, I have spent (I kid you not) two hours of my lifetime figuring out how to do it, and I now have a “blogs I follow” section on my front page.  Seriously, it took me 10 minutes just to figure out how to even view my own blog!  I also attempted to upgrade my “Gravatar” to include a picture, who even knows if that actually worked.  Here is the point:  if I want to break through the plateau, I have to keep moving in a direction.  If it doesn’t work, at least I am moving!

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Posted on November 19, 2012, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself with the new group. I think it’s an incredibly ambitious and positive undertaking. You amaze me.

    Love the new picture! So pretty!

    And you just reminded me that it’s that time of year again to watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles 🙂

    Like

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