Is it Odd or is it God?
Coincidence is God‘s Way of Remaining Anonymous. -Albert Einstein
Sometimes the “coincidences,” or “messages,” or whatever you want to call them, are more difficult to interpret than others. Here is a recent story I would like to share: I mentioned before that a very important component in working the steps of recovery is more or less a training session so that I may pass on my experience, strength and hope to someone else in need. The analogy I used with my sponsor… it is like a pyramid scheme… I’ll tell two friends, and they’ll tell two friends, and so on, and so on (who here is old enough to remember that commercial?)…
So I recently told an addictions counselor this strategy, and she was very quick to disagree. She believes that a person should have 2 years of sobriety before they are qualified to sponsor another, and she was quick to caution me not to jump into the role too quickly. This advice was given on a Friday, and the following morning I had a commitment to chair a topic meeting, and so, in the spirit of making things all about me, I chose the topic of sponsorship, and elicited the group’s feedback. In the course of my side of the discussion, I shared a story of my earliest sponsor in the AA program, who, long story short, had only 8 months of sobriety, and, to put it in the nicest way possible, had absolutely no business offering to sponsor me or anyone else. I severed those ties over a year ago, and since that time she had left the program (the AA world is a small one, and I had been given this information from several sources). But my point in sharing this story was… am I equally unqualified to be a sponsor, since I have only a little more time than she did?
Fast forward one day, and the meeting that worked out best for my schedule fell at 2:00, in the same location where my Saturday meeting was. I am pretty well-known at this place, and I will be starting a meeting of my own there next week (a topic for a different post). So I went to pass out my flyers and to see if there were any newcomers I could talk into coming to my meeting. Well, there was one person new to the meeting, and three guesses who it was… you got it, the crazy first sponsor that I haven’t seen in about 15 months.
To say I was uncomfortable during that meeting would be a gross understatement, I haven’t felt like that in a really, really long time. She presented herself as though she had never left the Fellowship, and, since it is not my place to judge, I will refrain from comment. I attempted to have a conversation with her, she was dramatically dismissive. Again, I will refrain from the comments I would like to spew out.
Since I still had another amends on deck later that afternoon, I did my best to put the situation out of my mind, and I went about my day. This week, my goal is to get to as many different meetings as I can in an attempt to do a media blitz for the meeting I am starting. I go to one today, and once again, this woman is at the meeting, and this time she is making announcements for the place where I am starting a meeting as if she is the CEO of the organization (alright, that might have a little commentary in it, I am only human).
So now I am left to wonder… why, why why?!? Is God putting her back in my life just as I am starting my amends process for a reason? Certainly, I owe her an amends, if for no other reason than I was less than communicative when I severed the ties, but this is truly a case where her wrongs far outweigh mine, and, sorry, but there are way more important people in my life to whom I owe amends than to her. But I just can’t ignore the signals here… she is back for a reason, and I guess she will keep surfacing until I figure it out.
Sorry for the long post, I am trying to work this out as I write, I welcome any feedback!