Steps 10 and 11: How the Steps Are Ruining Me!

Step 10:  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

Step 11:  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out

It still blows my mind that I am a person who has completed 11 of the 12 steps of recovery.

As I mentioned yesterday, steps 10, 11 and 12 are considered maintenance steps, in that they are to be practiced daily for the rest of my life.  Step 10 is more or less a “spot check” inventory, to be completed at any time of the day, particularly if I am feeling off-kilter.  Step 11, as it has been explained to me, is to be done nightly, where I review the day, take note of things done well and not so well, and asking God to help me take whatever corrective actions I might need to take.

Mini-confession:  I have heard much about step 11 in the past 9 months, people in meetings speak often of the importance of praying first thing in the morning, and then again right before bed.  I have long been in the habit of getting on my knees each morning and thanking God for another day, but by the time I am ready for bed I am usually very ready to go to sleep, and really enjoy drifting off to the sounds of whatever sitcom happens to be playing on TV (30 Rock is my favorite).  So, every time someone mentioned the idea of night-time prayers, I pretty much said to myself, “I’m not at step 11 yet, no need to rush things.”  I guess that thought’s out the window!

So, for the past couple nights, I began the ritual of reviewing my day.  To my astonishment, I have been given a gift.  I have found that in reviewing my day, I have been very pleased (so far anyway), which is an absolute miracle in and of itself, since I have been known to be a little hard on myself.  Of course there are always things upon which I could improve, but the good far outweighs the bad, and I am filled with even more gratitude for the life I am leading.

Last but not least, here’s what I mean by the steps ruining me:  I find myself unable to just say whatever I want anymore, because now I know I have to review it at day’s end, and I simply don’t feel like making yet another amends!  This whole personal inventory thing is killing me!

Posted on October 23, 2012, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I thank you for sharing your experience with the steps, particularly the last few. The amends process feels a bit intimidating now, but I trust it will make more sense, as all the others have once I started them. I love the idea of getting to 10 and 11 — something about “maintenance” steps is so comforting. Also love 30 Rock – it’s my favorite!

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  2. As always, I love your perspective. I too felt tired of saying “sorry” … step 10 helped/helps clean up a lot in my life. I am so happy for you. Lisa

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