Looking at the Past to Appreciate the Present
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright I gotta wear shades -Timbuk 3
Today I am hustling and bustling getting ready for my son’s 10th birthday tomorrow (special requests include potato salad, chicken cutlets, and a pac man cake, thank God for the internet on that last one!). First thing this morning, I came into some knowledge that had my character defect of self-righteousness on high alert… I believe I am a victim of some injustice, and nothing gets me more irate than when this happens. To complicate this issue, I have no ability to find a resolution for about a week, which only heightens my angst.
As I began my food prep, I tried to focus on how I can maximize my son’s enjoyment of his special day. And that’s when it hit me… what was happening exactly one year ago. I wish I could say what I am about to describe was my final bottom; sadly, it was not…
One year ago today I was preparing to enter an inpatient rehab. I convinced the family member instrumental in enforcing this decision that it would be best to wait until the day after my son’s birthday, so as to minimize the disruption to his life. I had been “caught,” for what felt like the millionth time, violating my promise to stay clean and sober 5 days prior to his birthday, and the ultimatum had come in… get some help, or get out. I chose the former, and we spent the next few days figuring out rehabs, insurance acceptance, and attempting normalcy around the children. We had the extended family over for cake and ice cream, and no one was the wiser, which simply added to the stress of the situation. You know what 4-5 days of waiting to go into rehab is like? It is like a form of hell on Earth. And trying to pretend to the world that all is well makes it that much harder.
Okay, that’s enough of the sad stuff. Fast forward a year (thank the Good Lord I am able to do that!), and here I sit, typing a blog to family, old friends, and new ones I haven’t even met but who inspire me daily. I am able to plan all sorts of neat ideas for my son to enjoy, and I am appreciating the opportunity I have to do so. I am a week away from celebrating 9 months of continuous sobriety, something I had only accomplished in the past when I was pregnant. I am actively involved in a 12-step program, getting ready to finish the steps, and looking forward to passing on the message to others. I have begun the process of starting my own meeting, and am actively recruiting attendees. I am involved in a legal program that will ultimately allow me to wipe my slate officially clean.
What in the hell do I have to complain about?
Posted on October 17, 2012, in Recovery and tagged Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, Baking and Confections, Birthday, Business, Cooking, Holidays, Home, Life Lessons, Recovery, Twelve-Step Program. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.