Am I Amazed Before I Am Halfway Through?

The Promise of Completing the 12 Steps of Recovery

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. –Alcoholics Anonymous

As of last night I have completed 7 of the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous… more than halfway through.  So the question that I have been asked, and have asked of myself, is… how does it feel?

My first and honest answer to that question is… I feel today like I felt yesterday, and the day before that.  No chorus of angels has settled on my shoulders.  My life is, essentially the same as it was before I started the steps… same family, same friends, same keen, sharp-witted sense of humor (yes, friends, I know what you are thinking, and I will at some point dedicate a post to the idea of a lull prompt), same general outlook on life.  In some sense I feel like I have when I have attempted hypnosis.  If you’ve ever tried and failed to be hypnotized, you just sit there with your eyes closed, wondering when you are going to fall into the deep, deep sleep, and it never seems to happen.  Same idea here, I keep waiting for the lightning bolt, but yet here I am, still me.

So I then attempt to view it from another angle.  How was my life one year ago today?  How about 6 months ago, when I was almost 3 months sober? The difference in my life from just those two points of time until now are so radically different, I would be writing forever listing the changes, but without a doubt every single one of them is for the better.  And at the heart of all of it is one key difference, and that is living my life honestly.  As I look back on almost 43 years, I cannot recall a time in my life before now where I just announced to the world, “here I am, like it or not.”  Living with that attitude brings a freedom and peace of mind that I did not previously know existed.

So I guess my answer is, Yes, I am amazed, as I am slightly more than halfway through!