Psychic Change

The open-minded see the truth in different things.  The closed-minded see only the differences.

Last night I began what I believe will be the next chapter in my recovery:  I had what I will call a “big book study session.”  The goal of these sessions is to take an in-depth look at the big book (which is basically the Bible of Alcoholics Anonymous), and through that in-depth look, I will complete the 12 steps of recovery which is the foundation of the program.

I was both excited and nervous before attending this meeting.  I realize that this the heart of the program which has already given me so much, and I have been anxious to get to the things that are supposed to be so life-transforming.  But I am also nervous, because I have a hard time imagining the whole “life-transforming” part of it.  Already, I am faced with facets of my personality with which I am uncomfortable.  Right now, the main struggle I am having is with my skeptical nature, and, until last night, I don’t think I realized just how big a part of my personality my skepticism is.

When I am faced with a life view that is different from my own, I now realize I have a tendency to look for the faults in its logic, rather than look for the faults in my own.  I never considered myself to be an analytical type, but when it comes to making arguments for my own point of view and against others, I reign supreme.  This trait may work well someplace in life (although I have no idea where), but it positively must go as I embark on this new venture.

I also realize that I struggle a bit with extremists of any type… Bible beaters, fitness gurus, raging liberals, and so on.  When I am faced with this type of personality, I tend to withdraw as quickly as I can.  I am now in a situation where I must not only refrain from withdrawing, but I essentially have to embrace this as a way of life.  I am honestly struggling with this… it feels uncomfortable!  But if I want the psychic change that AA promises me, if I want my life to be transformed, then I need to live in discomfort, at least for the short-term.  I have tried my way for a really long time and haven’t gotten very far, what can it hurt to try another approach?

Like with so many things in life, time will tell…

Posted on July 17, 2012, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thank you for stopping by my site. Its always a beautiful thing to me when I see newcomers embracing recovery. I think its kind of hilarious, though, because I am one of those people that you probably don’t like lol. I’m not entirely sure what the opposite of ‘skeptic’ is (believer?) but I am that person. And, I use to be a person of extremes. I’m not anymore. Sobriety has taken care of that. I can no longer afford to be extremist about anything. In my mind, that kind of behavior is addict-like and it puts me in a bad place mentally.

    I look forward to reading what you think of the Big Book Study. Those have always been my favorite kind of meetings.


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