Expectations

I’m looking back on what I’ve written, and I realize I’ve written quite a bit on acceptance.  There’s a reason for that… it is a subject that comes up a lot, both in recovery, and in life.  A huge silver lining in the cloud of addiction is that, when treated, it brings the person a toolbox for dealing with life, and all of its issues, not just those related to recovery.

So acceptance… I’ve talked about the necessity of accepting the disease of addiction, of accepting yourself, but acceptance is critical in another area… accepting those around you as they are.  And that acceptance, I have found, has a lot to do with expectations.  I expect a lot of myself, my kids, the cashier at Target, the drivers on the road, and the list goes on.

And when those expectations are not met, what happens?  Depending on the situation:  anger, resentment, frustration, hurt feelings… and what is productivity of those feelings?  There is absolutely nothing constructive about feeling like that, it is just a complete waste of time and energy.

Another passage from the Big Book:

Perhaps the best things of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.  The higher my expectations of other people are, the lower is my serenity.  I have to discard my “rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself, how important is it really?  How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?  And when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level.

Seriously… if I could keep this paragraph at the forefront of my mind, and ask myself these questions before I open my mouth, I would eliminate about 95% of the troubles in my life!

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Posted on April 24, 2012, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. How beautifully put! We all expect people to behave in a certain manner, and when they don’t, we are disappointed. If everyone did think about this subject, what a better world it would be. For now, we have to accept people the way they are, but we can take the high road when they do not. What a great lesson! Bravo!

    Like

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