Reflections on the Fourth Step
Since I believe there are no coincidences, the fact that I have been to 3 meetings in the last 7 days centering around the 4th step, I have to deduce that I am meant to reflect on it.
The fourth step is “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” and it is widely viewed as the most intimidating of the 12 steps. I actually think that the 5th step… telling all about your 4th step to another person… is way scarier, but that’s just my opinion.
When I ponder the 4th step, I have a feeling similar to the feeling I had when I pondered cleaning the basement (see previous post “Baby Steps”)… I am overwhelmed, because I honestly can’t picture completing it. In fact, it is worse than the basement, because at least I can visualize a clean basement, as I have seen it before. I have never completed a moral inventory, and I’m not sure I understand what the words mean.
What I do know is the testimony of those before me who have completed the step, and feel something magical happen to them, I have heard about it countless times. I know I want that feeling, and the idea of truly understanding myself, assets and liabilities, is an exciting concept. Right now, it’s just the steps I need to take between where I am currently and the end goal of self-awareness that I have no clue.
For now, I just hang on to the idea that when it is time for me to do this step, I will have the courage, and the knowledge, that I need to complete it, searchingly and fearlessly.
Posted on April 14, 2012, in Recovery and tagged AA, Basement, God, Health, Higher Power, Recovery, Shopping, Step 4, Support Groups, Twelve Step, Twelve-Step Program. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.