Reflections on the Fourth Step

Since I believe there are no coincidences, the fact that I have been to 3 meetings in the last 7 days centering around the 4th step, I have to deduce that I am meant to reflect on it.

The fourth step is “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” and it is widely viewed as the most intimidating of the 12 steps.  I actually think that the 5th step… telling all about your 4th step to another person… is way scarier, but that’s just my opinion.

When I ponder the 4th step, I have a feeling similar to the feeling I had when I pondered cleaning the basement (see previous post “Baby Steps”)… I am overwhelmed, because I honestly can’t picture completing it.  In fact, it is worse than the basement, because at least I can visualize a clean basement, as I have seen it before.  I have never completed a moral inventory, and I’m not sure I understand what the words mean.

What I do know is the testimony of those before me who have completed the step, and feel something magical happen to them, I have heard about it countless times.  I know I want that feeling, and the idea of truly understanding myself, assets and liabilities, is an exciting concept.  Right now, it’s just the steps I need to take between where I am currently and the end goal of self-awareness that I have no clue.

For now, I just hang on to the idea that when it is time for me to do this step, I will have the courage, and the knowledge, that I need to complete it, searchingly and fearlessly.

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Posted on April 14, 2012, in Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. The only thing you can do with an overwhelming project is start at the beginning and make a list, written or mental and break it down into segments – least important to most important. It will become easier as you go along. Fear is a reason to delay but once you get started you will see the way.

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