This weekend has been a struggle to come up with a topic about which to write. As I reflected back on the themes of the last 3 meetings I attended, I saw a common thread, and that was the topic of willingness. So since there are no coincidences, I believe that I am to write my thoughts on this subject.
Willingness is a recurring topic in the literature of 12 step programs. It is repeated quite a bit in steps 1, 2 and 3, and, since tonight’s meeting focused on step 3, I will too. The step is “made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.” The key to this step, according to the program, is simply to have the willingness to align our will with God’s. According to the literature, the success of the rest of the steps rests on how well you are able to put step 3 into practice.
For me this is a bit complicated. There are some components of turning my will over to God that are very simple, and I have been able to do successfully for 64 days. Refuse to put any mind altering substance in my body? Check. Be as honest as I possibly can to the people around me? Check. Go to meetings every day and try my hardest to open my mind to the people in the program? Check. Successfully doing these obvious things has absolutely helped me to grow closer to the God of my understanding, and has made a lot of other things in my life richer and more peaceful.
But not everything is as clear-cut as the examples above. Sometimes God’s will is not crystal clear, at least to me, and I am genuinely not sure of the correct answer. Sometimes I receive conflicting pieces of advice, both of which sound logical, and could possibly be what God wants, and I really don’t know which choice to make.
For now, when these situations arise, I try to make the best decision I can in the moment, and trust that whether it is right or wrong, then God will show me the way. Believing that eventually all will be made clear gives me a feeling of peace immediately, and helps a lot in daily living.